Tears of Acceptance
by meredithe
Summary: A look at Sam's thoughts on the death of a friend and a short meeting with her Colonel. A short tag to Heroes in season 7.


Title: Tears of Acceptance

Summary: A short tag to Heroes in season 7. A look at Sam's thoughts on the death of a friend and a short meeting with her Colonel.

Spoilers: Season 7 Heroes

Disclaimer: I don't own the Stargate Franchise or any of its characters. This story was purely made for entertainment purposes and no money has been made.

AN: So I had a bit of insomnia the other night and couldn't fall asleep until I got this story down on paper. It's just a short tag to Season 7's episode Heroes told through the eyes of Sam on her thoughts of the loss of a friend and her worry for Cassie. Also want to send a shout out to Hedwig for being an amazing beta and dealing with my crazy!

_Sometimes standing against evil is more important than defeating it. The greatest heroes stand because it is right to do so, not because they believe they will walk away with their lives. Such selfless courage is a victory in itself._

-N.D. Wilson

* * *

Sam sat huddled on the cold metal work bench, her shoulders were slumped, her body shook gently as she tried, but failed to stop the tears that slid persistently down her cheeks. While her body ached for warmth in the cold lackluster room, Sam remained unmoving and unaware of the bitter cold that surrounded her in the dreary mountain. Her face was awash with pain as her mind tried desperately to accept what had transpired in the previous days.

The day had gone from bad to worse as they had rushed to rescue SG-13 when they'd been overrun by Jaffa. Sam could barely remember the blurry events that were filled with explosions and gun blasts but there was one image that was burned into her skull; the image of her fearless Colonel as he was struck by a staff blast to the chest. She knew she should have remained at her place hidden by rocks but was unable to stop herself from running to his side. They'd almost lost him... she'd almost lost him.

Colonel O'Neill wasn't the only one hurt; Janet Frasier had rushed through the gate along with everyone else to tend to a wounded airman. She had been hit by a stray staff blast as well, but she hadn't been as lucky as the Colonel. To Sam it didn't seem real; it was like a foggy dream that she wanted desperately to end. She wanted to wake up and find that one of her dearest friends was still alive, but her brain refused to let her fool herself. She knew the truth, Janet Frasier, one of her closest friends was dead. She had died doing what she did every single day of her life, protecting and healing the injured men and women of Stargate Command. One moment she was alive making plans with Sam and Cassie for a girls' night in and then in the blink of an eye she was gone; taken from her friends and family way before her time. Janet had so much more life to experience. She was supposed to be there to watch Cassie graduate from high school and college. She was supposed to worry with Sam over the guy Cassie would one day bring home, intending to marry and then help Sam stop Jack from chasing away said guy.

For a moment Sam's eyes sparkled with mirth at the thought of Colonel Jack O'Neill in full dress uniform introducing himself to Cassie's would be fiancé. She could imagine the terrified look on the boy's face when the Colonel stared him down with the same look he'd used on so many of their enemies.

"Poor Cassie," Sam whispered under her breath to the empty room.

That thought immediately brought about a fresh wave of tears as she thought of the young girl. Cassie was young, too young to have to experience the loss of her parents for the second time. Sam would never forget the look of bleak acceptance that covered Cassie's face when she discovered that her mother was gone. It had happened before when her entire planet has been wiped out by the Goa'uld Nirrti. Cassie had learned at a young age that life could be cruel, but Sam knew she had begun to trust again and that she loved Janet just as much as her birth mother. Sam was heartbroken for her and knew that this loss had broken something in the young girl and for the first time Sam had no idea how to help her through her pain, especially when she wasn't sure how to deal with her own grief.

"Ya know it's never a good thing when I find you in here alone thinking. Don't tell me your contemplating blowing up another sun!" exclaimed a voice from the doorway.

Sam looked up startled to find Colonel O'Neill lounging against the wall casually. She nearly jumped from her perch but instead rushed to wipe away the tears. Her hands ached from the movement after remaining clenched around her body for so long. Her cheeks blushed a deep red in embarrassment. For years she had tried to be just like the guys and hide her tears. She had earned the trust and admiration of all of the members of her team. She had proven her intelligence and shown her humanity to Daniel, had earned the respect as a fellow warrior from Teal'c. And not only proven herself as an outstanding officer in the United States Air force but had earned the respect and her place beside Colonel O'Neill as his second in command.

She was still lost in her thoughts when the Colonel put a gentle hand on her shoulder and called her name. Sam's head jerked up once again and she was met with worry in his eyes. Sam cleared her throat before she finally spoke. "Sorry Sir, what did you say?"

Jack stared at Sam for a moment before he squeezed her shoulder once more and gingerly moved to lean against the table. "You were talking to yourself Carter," he teased. "I came down here to check on my wayward scientist... had to make sure you weren't lost in another project again!"

Sam saw through him immediately but she didn't call him on it. They both knew that their recent loss would prevent Sam from jumping into any new projects. Everything in the SGC seemed to have come to a halt. Sure teams were still going through the gate, but not as frequently, as multiple teams had requested to remain on Earth until after the service. They all wanted to say goodbye to the doctor that had saved so many of their lives. She had not only been a respected doctor for her talents in the operating room but she was also deeply respected and honored for her perseverance. So many doctors and specialists had come and gone over the years but Janet had refused to give up on her patients and the deadly unknown illnesses they had come across during their experiences off world.

"I was just thinking about how Janet is one of the only doctors that tolerated SG-1 being a permanent fixture in the infirmary," a slow smile started to spread across her face. "The other doctors aren't as tolerant with you and Daniel when they catch you playing bedpan basketball sir."

Jack grinned, "I'll have you know Carter that those Doctors are all jealous of my skills. I'm the reigning champ at Bedpan Basketball."

"Only because you've been in the infirmary more than the rest of SG-1 combined," she teased.

Jack gave her a small teasing glare.

"Sir," she added belated.

"So tell me Carter, why would a brilliant scientist like yourself be hiding in your lab and _not_ working on some... end of the world doohickey?"

Sam starred, "End of the world doohickey, Sir?"

"That's a scientific term isn't it," Jack questioned with a straight face.

"If you say so sir."

"So tell me honestly Carter, what's on your mind? And remember, I'm your commanding officer so you can't lie to me." His voice was stern, but she could see the warmth in his eyes.

Sam sighed and her gaze drifted to the metal lab table that reflected her tear stained face, "I was thinking about Cassie and Janet. We had this night all planned out for next weekend. We always tried to do this at least once every few weeks when SG-1's not off world. We rent lots of movies, make popcorn, and gorge ourselves on obscene amounts of chocolate."

For a moment there was silence, "Was there going to be cake?"

Sam cracked a smile, "Only on one of our birthdays. Don't worry, sir, we tried to save the cake for when you'd be there. We all know how much you love your cake sir."

"Who doesn't?"

"I just don't know how to talk to Cassie about this sir. She's been through so much in her short life. I wish I could shield her from this but that's the one thing I'm powerless to stop. I can't bring Janet back and I can't promise her that nothing's going to happen to us and the rest of SG-1. Cassie has lost too much, and I don't think she could take it if she lost anyone else."

"She's not going to lose anyone else Carter," Jack replied with passion.

Sam looked into Jack's intense eyes, "How can you say that Sir? Cassie just lost her mom and we almost lost you..." she broke off and the room was filled with awkward silence.

"But I'm here Carter just like I've always been and I'm not planning on going anywhere anytime soon, except maybe a trip to Minnesota, the land of clear blue waters where the fish are way big," Jack stretched his arms out as far as he could to emphasize his point.

Sam hid her smile behind her hand and laughed.

"No giggling Major," Jack demanded with a grin.

For a moment the memory of their fallen friend was gone and the two officers were joking around like any other day, but it didn't last. The pain of losing their friend was still too near.

Jack slowly moved to grab a nearby stool and Sam watched as he winced and placed a hand to his side as he dragged the stool over to sit beside his second.

"Don't worry about Cassie so much Carter. She's a tough kid and she's got all of us to help her through this. Most of all, she's got you Sam." Jack said softly as Sam looked up at his now serious face. "She knows how much you love her, and that you'll always be there for her."

"Thank you sir," Sam replied softly, unable to think of anything else to say.

"And I know you don't talk about it much but you've been in her shoes. You lost your own mother when you were around Cassie's age. So if anyone knows what it's like, it's you."

Sam sighed, "I just don't know what to tell her when she tells me she's afraid to lose me too."

"You tell her the truth Carter," Jack replied simply.

"Sir, I can't tell her," Sam exclaimed.

"Not everything Major, just tell her that you don't risk your life on a whim, you go out there to keep her and everyone else on Earth safe from what's out there. That you do it because you love her." Jack stared into her eyes as he spoke, "I know it seems unbearable right now Carter but things _will_ get better in time. Ya know it's funny, everyone always says we're the heroes for going through the stargate and fighting the Goa'uld, but I think the true heroes are those we leave at home to worry about us."

Sometimes Jack O'Neill blew her away with his wisdom. He liked to hide his experiences and intelligence behind jokes and plain goofiness but she along with Daniel and Teal'c knew the truth. "I know what you mean sir. I used to be so angry with my dad for leaving us to go all over the world without an explanation. It wasn't until I joined the military that I understood how hard it was on him. I don't want Cassie to hate me the way my brother hated dad."

"She doesn't and she won't Carter," he replied with certainty.

"How can you know that sir?"

"Because she's like Janet, she'd never pass judgment on you for protecting people in this galaxy. Besides, Cassie understands what's out there Carter, a lot better than most of our SG personnel."

Sam grinned and wiped away the last of her tears, "Thanks for being here for me sir."

"Always," his eyes were awash with tenderness as the two shared a look of unsaid emotion.

She wasn't sure how long they sat there staring into each other's eyes but Sam was startled when Jack jumped up from his chair before grabbing his side once more in pain.

"Now, I think it's time we headed to the commissary. This old, beat-up man needs some comfort food and I heard they were serving Jell-O today Carter. I bet they even have red!" Jack exclaimed.

Sam grinned and rose to join the Colonel, "Blue's better sir!"

"Yeah, yeah Major, we can debate the finer points of Jell-O on the way."

"If you say so sir," she said as she purposefully slowed her pace when she noticed the Colonel struggling, "I think you were right about old sir, do you need any help getting to the commissary?"

"Laugh it up Major but remember I'm still your superior officer," replied Jack.

"Yes sir, and Colonel, I think you're right," Sam said as she stopped outside the commissary.

"Right about what," Jack questioned as he turned to look at Sam.

"I think we're going to be okay," Sam replied with a smile.


End file.
